He's consistent... I am not.

In my previous post I mentioned how God's sovereignty has been revealed to me in a different way since I have arrived in Washington.  God has been repeatedly making me aware of my inconsistencies and shortcomings in light of His unconditional love, patience, and goodness.  He is gently leading me to a place of rest and peace in who He is.  His plan hasn't changed because I am in a different setting with different people and ways of doing "ministry."  His love hasn't changed and His purpose to grow me and shape me into His image has not been tossed out the window.  God is intentional... I am not.  I, on the other hand, struggle with intentionality.  God sees the big picture, I get overwhelmed with what is in front of me. 

He is teaching me a lot about His character.  By doing this, He is developing in me a greater love and respect for Him and His Word.... (to be continued).

Ayadejah

I was hoping to attempt at posting a blog earlier on.  However, since I have been in Olympia, Washington, I have found it almost impossible to debrief and reflect in a way that would suffice all that has been taking place.  Actually, in all honesty, I think I have been hesitant to record some thoughts in fear of not sounding eloquent or not articulating my thoughts in a way that someone else could comprehend.  Yet, I am here... typing, hoping that my words will bring glory to God and paint a picture of the challenging, yet growing experience I have been having thus far.

As I think about the last four weeks, I am bombarded with the many ways in which God has met me.  Nothing pans out the way one expects, and I certainly could not have envisioned my time here...nor been adequately prepared for it.  Prior to leaving for Washington, I knew that God was wanting to prepare a humble heart in me.  What that looks like in the flesh, I still am not exactly sure.  However, He quickly showed me where I lacked in the humility department when I arrived.  God has allowed me to experience humility in more ways than I think I can recall.  Especially in more ways than I have recorded, that is for certain.  Simple Biblical truths have become realities to me.  God is sovereign.  His plan unfolds despite my greatest attempts or achievements.  Yet, He wants to use me, and in His grace and mercy He has orchestrated what I have called "moments" throughout my time here.

I believe it was my second Wednesday night at FOS (Fruit of the Spirit).  Pastor Andrew was giving his third message from the book of Proverbs.  Prior to his sermon, I had met a beautiful eighth grade girl, Ayadejah (a as in "ate"-ya-day-shah).  Instantly I was reminded of a very significant high school student from Bethany, Daisy Kabochi.  God always seems to do that with me.  He gives me a heart for random strangers by allowing me to associate them with people who are dear to me.  We sat together that night during service, and there was a beautiful, genuine hunger that she displayed for the Lord.  What took place next was one of those "humbling" moments I mentioned earlier.  She took my hand and began to pull me to the front, implying that she wanted me to join her in worship near the "altar" (I place altar in quotes because that is a term that is not used out here... nor do altars exist in the way that I have been so used to).  I gently pulled away, immediately bombarded with thoughts like, "No, I can't go up there with her.  I know exactly what other leaders will think, 'Who is this girl? She is here only one week and she is already up front raising her hands and thinking she is sooo spiritual.'"  How pathetic I am... I know.  Yet, in that moment I felt I was supposed to go and support her pursuit of God.  I pushed aside my own pride and insecurity and followed her.

It was at the "front" that God started to break my heart for Ayadejah.  I anticipated that tonight had more purpose than I had realized.  So, I did my best to lift my hands and surrender what I could to God, hoping He would use me in some capacity in Ayadejah's life.  During the message, the Word was given.  I knew God had shed some light into Ayadejah's heart so that I might help her respond to Him.  God had showed me that she bore the weight of guilt and shame.  I knew that I was to ask her if she wanted to pray.  It was here that God brought freedom... through the Word, into her life.  She shared with me the rejection and hate she feels from her father and her mother.  James 1:18 came to mind in her case..."He chose to give us birth through the word of truth that we might be a kind of first-fruits of all He created."  Also, James 1:25, "But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does."

It amazes me how a young, 13-year-old girl, is embarking upon a journey to save her family.  She is facing the rejection of a father, a mother who misunderstands her, and a brother who wants more to do with earthly pleasure than true joy that comes from God.  I saw Jesus in Ayadejah...and it was inspiring.  I was humbled that God chose to use me in that situation, and I am eager to see how the work will continue to unfold.