My Reason For Existence

I realize that the title of this blog is rather intense. Even "epic," if you will. Yet, there is so much significance to it.

I just got off the phone with a dear, dear friend of mine. Ten years ago, he was just my brother's best friend. Now, he is still my brother's best friend, but more importantly he is a brother in Christ. I definitely have taken on the role of "big sister" in his life. He may not tell you that, but I have willingly stepped into this esteemed position.

For the sake of his protection, let's call him "G." G is a rare breed. Ever since I can remember, that kid has been asking my mom, my brother, and me all about faith and Jesus. There has been a stirring desire in him for years in regards to Truth and the Bible. I can recall several times where I have had the privilege to sit with him over a latte or in my living room back in East Longmeadow and discuss the "real meaning" of life.

G is intelligent, inquisitive, and hard headed. I love that about him. When I listen to him battle with the reality of the Gospel message, I recognize the beginning traits and characteristics of a modern day reformer. I feel like if I knew Martin Luther personally, I would be able to liken G to him.

We have not seen one another in over a year. Yes, life just conveniently prevents such things from happening. However, tonight after exchanging a few generic "Happy Easter" text messages, G decided to pick up the phone and call me. What followed after was quite unexpected...

Just a few weeks ago i spoke at dorm devotionals at my school. For the blog reader who has no idea what a dorm devotional is, let me explain. It simply is a night out of each month where the entire dormitory of girls gather together to worship and listen to God's Word. That night, I exposited out of Galatians 1:6-9. Without going in to every detail of the message, I explained to the girl's how we are no different from the Galatians that the apostle Paul was writing to. Just as Paul was bewildered by the way in which the Galatians were "adding" to Christ's finished work on the cross, so do we add to that work.

During my preparation for the message, God had is way with me. He really began to reveal to me how often I am preoccupied with my performances rather than being captivated by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ ultimately displayed at Calvary. Needless to say, I spoke my message from a place of true understanding.

It was so humbling to watch the Holy Spirit work in the hearts of those girls as the Word of God was communicated through a broken sinner such as myself. Why do I recount this night? Simply because that message i spoke lives on and I watched it play out before my very eyes as I talked with G this Easter night.

There is no greater honor than to encourage another believer in the knowledge of God's grace (hmmmm..maybe "My Reason For Existence"?..well, besides glorifying God..which I suppose encouraging someone in the Lord would ultimately do). G is in a battle right now. He is seeing God do awesome things in his life. He recognizes God's hand and genuinely desires to live a righteous life. However, like majority of us, he finds himself bound by his own ability to do right by God. Wait a minute... did I just type that in a blog? YES. Just like the Galatians, just like myself, G has been attempting to add to Christ's finish work on the cross where Christ died for G's sins (as well as the rest of mankind's, might I also add).

Why did I write about this? In hopes that the one who is reading this blog would be able to identify with G and lift him up in prayer. Pray for his perseverance in the faith. Pray that the eyes of his heart would be enlightened to the knowledge of the hope that he has been called to, as well his inheritance. Pray that the guilt and condemnation that Satan has been attempting to bring on him would be removed. Pray that someday, G himself will be communicating and encouraging someone else in the knowledge of God's grace.

Why else did I write about this? In hopes that the reader will be encouraged in this same knowledge as well. May each of us like Paul declare, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20, ESV)

...I'm overwhelmed by His goodness...


After a beautiful, warm April night I find myself sitting alone in my room. Outside, I can still hear the sound of cars whistling by. New England is attempting to steal every minute of this "summerish" evening, I'm sure. Meanwhile, the crisp night air is seeping through the open window, softly whispering to me, "stay awake." My body is telling me to go to sleep... if you saw my face, you would tell me to get some rest as well. Yet, I cannot help but express the joy I am experiencing in yet another..."moment."

I was thinking about a friend of mine tonight...so I prayed for this special person. I got to pondering on how amazing that is. That somehow, God has allowed me to be a part of intercession for this individual. So I can't get this grin off my face. My boast and joy are in Jesus-- as they always should be. His pursuit of us is indescribable. How marvelous are His ways! That I can simply meditate and communicate to Him and know that He hears me. Much more than that, His will is unfolding in my very midst and He beckons me to come away with Him and be a part of the masterpiece in the making. How often I don't take the time to ponder these truths. It's startling.

Reflecting on my day, I realize how many moments I missed... moments where I didn't recognize His presence.

I have been reading a book about the resolve of Jonathan Edwards and have been immensely challenged by his life. At the age of eighteen and nineteen, as a recent believer, Edwards recorded his personal resolutions in order that he might live his life to the fullest in Christ. Just thinking about the desire and passion he had for God's glory startles me. "Startle" because I know I must come up "higher," if you will. So, in my minuscule attempt to learn and benefit from his life, I have recently begun my own list of "resolves."

I promise that I have been intentional about mentioning the resolve of Jonathan Edwards in this seemingly insignificant blog. In fact, this very day a resolve was birthed within me. "Resolved: to make it my aim and goal to be conscious of HIs presence at all times, regardless of the apparent circumstances taking place in my midst."

I suppose I could add to this resolve, a resolve to be conscious of the cross and what it represents-- not only at Easter, but always. May each of us seek by faith, to remain hidden behind Christ's "sure" work on the cross as we live and move and have our being in the midst of an ever-changing generation. The grace that we stand in--those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, the living Son of God--is secure. May we never forget this crucial truth.

...but now I must go and take care of the mundane bed-time tasks. Washing and exfoliating my face; brushing and flossing my teeth (well, flossing only when I'm not completely overwhelmed with exhaustion)... Yet, may each of us not lose sight of the One who goes before us always and upholds us in the midst of every chore, joy, and sorrow. To Him be all the glory and honor and power...forever. Amen.

A Simple Thought

Today when I was listening to a lesson on prayer, we read Revelation 12:11 which says, "And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved their lives even unto death." We were discussing how faith in Christ that is rooted in the Word, coupled with the blood of Christ and the word of our testimony will give us daily victory over the enemy of our souls.

In the class the instructor, John, shared with us some instances of new believers who upon their salvation picked up and traveled all over the country sharing their testimony with others. Yet, because they only had the "word of their testimony" their "ministries" quickly perished and some of them are unheard of today.

It was after John had told us this that I was reminded of the daily commitment that God is wanting from me. The "word of my testimony" can only take me so far. I must plunge deeper in the living Word of God so that my roots will be secured in the Word's unshakeable foundation. In doing so, I will be unmoved when the winds and storms do blow...because they most certainly will. Not only will I be firmly planted in Truth, but the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart will be the very words of the Father. Men will only hear Truth uttered from my lips as I feast upon the precious Word.

Jesus promised us times of testing, persecution, and natural disasters. Yet, those who set their hope and meditation in the Word of Truth will not perish but inherit everlasting life. Oh, how I pray that my ultimate delight would be in the Word! Let us be like the pslamist who wrote of the blessed man, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers" (Psalm 1:2,3).

Go now...be with Jesus.

Communion Results in Community

I am not entirely sure why I am choosing to blog in this moment because so much has been on my heart and mind over the past few weeks. I think I avoid blogging because I fear spoiling the beauty of God's work with my monotonous commentary. Yet, I must record my thoughts.

Hmm...where to begin. I have been prayerfully contemplating the idea of communion with the Father. In my attempts to find balance between intimate communion with Him and involvement in community, I have discovered that there is much needed work to be done in my heart.

Beginning with community...I have come to a continual awareness of its importance. For Christians, intentional and meaningful relationships are essential in growing in grace, love, and in a knowledge of God. Healthy community encourages honesty, embraces the brokenness and sinfulness of others, and creates space for forgiveness and redemption. Yet so often I find that in the midst of performing tasks, following up on responsibilities, and fulfilling my "duties," I dilute the significance of these relationships. Or rather, these interactions with others are no longer enjoyable but are "demanding," "time-suckers," or "distractions." What the heck is that all about?!

Now, let me compare this mentality with that of my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. During Jesus' three-year ministry, we only see a small portion of the many interactions he had with the people as recorded in the Synoptics and the book of John. Yet, what humbles me and leaves me bewildered is that Jesus had compassion and genuine understanding toward those that he interacted with during his journey. Knowing full well that the crowds would despise him, even those from within his inner circle would deny him, Jesus still continued to pour out love and grace and mercy to these individuals.

I could reference so many accounts of where this is demonstrated by Jesus. In actuality, his whole life epitomizes compassion and forbearance. Yet, I am reminded of Gethsemane. We read in Mark's account starting in 14:33, "And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.'" Only moments prior to his arrest, Jesus is in earnest intercession with the Father. What were the disciples doing? Sleeping! They had no comprehension of the anguish and turmoil that their Master was facing. Yet, Jesus persevered and accomplished the will of his father because he knew the joy and freedom that would result in his obedience.

Concerning communion, I am more and more aware of the Father's constant pursuit of His children. I am desperate for daily communion with the Godhead. In prayer and meditation I find strength and renewal for my soul. Though my soul clings to the dust, the Word of God gives me life! It is in communion that I gain greater understanding of the knowledge of God and I am encouraged and strengthened in my faith. As a result of communion, my soul rejoices and my heart is glad and I desire to pour out to others. When I see Jesus and read of his many characteristics, among them the "suffering servant," I am reminded that true joy and hope are not found in this life but in the life to come. Yes, this "suffering servant" was full of long-suffering, compassion, mercy, and love. He loved and still is loving the worst of sinners, tax collectors, and prostitutes. Jesus poured out his very life and gave all of himself to his disciples despite the fact that they were too weak or ashamed to acknowledge their association with him at the time of his greatest need.

Jesus example reminds me that I ought always to seek, watch, and pray. That in doing so, I will be overwhelmed with everlasting joy that will sustain me through every trial and tribulation. Yet, I must not stop there. I must press on and share that joy with others that they too may experience the joy of knowing Christ in the midst of a perverse and crooked generation. Paul was constantly overwhelmed with joy when he would hear of his churches pressing on in the faith for the sake of the gospel. Paul not only shared Jesus with the people, but he shared himself as well. He did this in order that they too would endure with patience the temporal trials of this life in order that their joy might be full and God might be most supremely glorified.

With that, I leave you with the most eloquent words of the apostle Paul to those in the city of Ephesus and its surrounding area, "In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestine according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of this will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1:11-14).

Vulnerability. Man... being vulnerable is one of the most uncomfortable, utterly exposed positions one can find herself in. I am vulnerable. I am naked and found out. Nothing is hidden, everything is disclosed.

I thought I understood that God sees all things. He knows man's heart better than man himself. Yet, often this is not a reality in my life. The fact that God knows my innermost thoughts and motives does not always resonate in my mind. Until I find myself face to face with reality, His omniscience becomes real to me.

With aches that came from the depth of my being, I once again felt the sorrow that had once made its home within me years ago. I questioned whether or not I had learned from my past mistakes as I met this "friend" once again. By "friend" I refer to "pain." Though initially I did not perceive pain to be my friend, light shined into my heart and soul during the manifestation of this pain. Pain led me to see my depravity. I am utterly and hopelessly selfish.

In light of the suffering my Savior experienced on the cross, my ache is 1/1,000,000 of the pain caused by a tiny paper cut. Yet, I have the audacity and boldness to cry out and question my Creator. Does not suffering result in joy in my God? Does not affliction lead me to the throne of my Maker? How then can I despise this menial burden?

Knowing my frailty and lack of strength, He has been gracious and merciful toward me. He sent me a friend who was battling with her flesh and spirit in the moment of my anguish (or rather, pity). Gently, He confronted me with reality. Indeed, He is ever interceding for me at the right hand of the Father. He is not content that I find my pleasure and delight in what is earthly or temporal. My ultimate joy must reside in Him, my Sustainer and Source. He is not willing that I remain in this state of flux, rather that I rest upon the solid rock and sing His praise. He is worthy of all praise.

Seeing my friend's struggle, I was reminded that we are not alone in this battle. Truly affliction and discomfort bring about greater faith, greater hope, greater joy, and greater praise. Oh, that I would hold my tongue and not look inward but toward Him who formed me. Jesus is truly the Hound of Heaven. He is closing in on me, and allowing my world to cave in, in order that He might be adored above all else. May all of my affections be cast upon His sweet face as He leads me through the trials of this life.

"Something More"... and that being death at work in me.

I have been hesitating to write this for quite some time. I recently told a friend that I struggle with posting blogs because so often my motives are to glorify myself. Yep, I struggle with pride. As I sit here to type, there is a pit in my stomach, but a "knowing" that I must press on in hopes of building up others in the faith.
Just before I headed back east, a dear friend of mine from WA wrote me a note. Her words were so often a source of encouragement and comfort to me during my time out west... and yet again, in this note they served the same purpose. She told me of how an impression of "something more" always came to her mind and heart when she would pray for me. Not knowing exactly what that meant, she left that to my discernment and encouraged me to pray and seek God for clarification as to how that slogan applied to my life. No sooner did God show me what it meant.
Initially when I thought of what exactly "something more" could be, I associated it with extravagance... or a big ministry in my future, etc., etc. But, no. God did not allow my imagination to run wild with those kinds of self-exalting thoughts. He clearly showed me that "something more" in my life needed to be more death. Death. Death, so that He might live. Death, so that life could be at work in others. Death, so that all the glory is given to His son, Jesus Christ. Death, so that I do not get carried away by selfish motives. Death, so that no one is drawn to Ally, rather Christ in Ally. Death, so that the hope of the living Christ pours out of every act. Death... so that He is the prize, rather than what He can give to me.
I got to thinking... if the perfect and holy God of this universe can die to His position in Heaven, so that a selfish sinner such as myself could live in eternity with Him... then can't I die to my miniscule plans or agendas so that He might be brought glory through my life? The more I try to hold on to my wants and ambitions, the less He is glorified in me. It is in the "let-go", that He becomes my sufficiency. It is in the place of surrender that I am freed to experience His presence as the one, all-satisfying treasure.
Oh, that God may help me if I seek to glorify myself. How often have I made it my aim to make others glad in Him? He gently revealed to me that the truth is, I lead others to hope in what He will do in their future rather than in Him- the One who is to be adored and treasured. How dare I point others in the direction of what they can "get" from God, rather than leading them---BY EXAMPLE---to the contentment that comes from allowing God Himself to be their sufficiency.
Do not be deceived, as we die He lives! The only hope for lost humanity is to see God's people humbled and Christ exalted. The more I hold on to the things of this world, the less I look like Christ...oh, I have so far to go. The truth is...I am tremendously self-centered. I am so concerned with my own welfare, so filled with "self." Oh, that God would rid me of my own selfish ambitions that his desires might reign in my mortal body.
There is so much more I want to say, so many thoughts I would love to articulate. Yet, I know this is where I should end. My only hope and prayer would be that this somehow has encouraged those of you who have been questioning. Those who have been wondering if living for Him is worth it. My friend, as Christ is exalted in your life and as He is made to be your one desire... your hope, your joy... then and ONLY then is it worth it. Contentment in Him... satisfaction in His Word... these are the things that bring us through the trials of this life.
I leave you with the eloquent, Christ-exalting words of John Piper in hopes that His words will encourage you in a way mine could not. He writes, "God does not call us to ease, but to faithful joy. He is closing in on some of you, smiling and with tears in his eyes, knowing how much of himself he is going to show you---and how much it will cost. As I write, I pray that you will not turn away."

One of those "moments."

I have heard it said many times that life is a series of moments.  In my own life, I continue to find this to be a reality.  I have found that in mere moments, God has revealed truths to me that have liberated and renewed me.  Today, I experienced one of these moments.

My moment has a name, her name is Emily.  She is this beautiful, blonde haired, inspiring woman.  We briefly met for about five minutes after a service at FOS (that is the name of the youth group I am interning at).  We both later discovered that we had shared this instant "attraction" to one another.  Do you know what I am talking about?  It was almost as if she knew something I needed to know.

Interestingly enough, I almost allowed "busyness" to rob me of meeting with this incredible person.  This can be so typical of me, especially because I can become so consumed with what it is that I am doing that I forget that God may just be wanting to interrupt my agenda once in a while!  So, earlier this morning, Melissa, Pastor Andrew's assistant, noticed that I had a post-it stuck to my notebook with Emily's name written on it.  Melissa immediately looks at me and says, "Ally, you need to meet with Emily for a coffee date before you leave here."  Melissa is one of those respected people that when she speaks, you listen.  The phone call led to a coffee date, which now brings me to my computer, composing my thoughts about this awesome experience I just had.

Ya know, God just amazes me.  I continually stand in awe.  I mean, how He orchestrates and interconnects lives... it's fantastic.  We had an hour and fifteen minutes to get to know one another when we sat down at our picturesque table that was conveniently leaning against the wide glass window in Barnes and Noble.  It was almost as if the conversation never actually began, it just was.  Immediately we shared the depths of our hearts and connected in a way that could never possibly be forced.  It was like God just said, "Here is a friend.  She will understand the struggles that rage war within your soul and she will recognize your gifts and affirm them because I have designed you two this way and brought you to this place in your lives so that you might learn from one another."

As Emily shared her most recent struggles and victories, God began to remind me of mine as well.  This moment with her affirmed who He has called me to be in a way that years of introspection and pursuit of opportunities never could have.  She allowed God to be glorified through her as she sat in that small wooden chair, and I was reminded of His faithfulness and of my purpose.  How amazing is that? That the God of this universe would care to position two lives together in Olympia, WA in order to refute the lies of the wicked one and to further His kingdom.  And that is exactly what happened.

In that one hour together, light was shone on deception that had been blinding me for days.  I had recently been struggling with the need to figure out what exactly God was doing with my life (good grief, is that even possible?).  I had been questioning whether or not my "gifts" were really gifts.  Inwardly, I had been rejecting and despising God's call on my life and the passions He has placed within me.  Yet, this girl Emily knew exactly what I had been battling because she has been there and continues to "work out her salvation with fear and trembling."

If you are reading this, I pray that God gives you eyes to see the moments that He orchestrates in your life.  He is always looking to heal us and restore us to Himself.  Never allow yourself to stay in one place too long... especially if that place is filled with shame, guilt, and regret.  Call it out.  Confess it.  Let His Word expose the lies that you are believing and move on.  There is no time to waste.  He wants to set you free so that you can inspire others to do the same.