My Cry

I am recognizing a need in all of God's children...that is to have kingdom perception of who they are in the Father's eyes. Oh, how desperately I need to be reminded in the word of my role as a woman...

"God, renew my mind that I might understand how you have intended me to live and function in the Body of Christ. Help me to be a woman of truth, integrity and discipline. Expose Satan's schemes and lies in me and those you have placed around me that we might walk in the roles you have intended for us before the fall. Shed light on the bad examples and perceptions that have clouded our vision of the life you meant for us to life. Oh Father, make us more like your Son Jesus. Amen."

I've Been "Kept"

As the close of the semester ends at the speed of light, there has been a silent meditation in my heart that I cannot shake. It goes something like this:

"Oh how He keeps me."

This year has been somewhat of a blur. Not at all what I expected. Which in essence, should never surprise me, yet it continually does season after season. Honestly, it is early in the morning and I had a few moments to tap at these keys so I thought I would get it out there. I have no formed words to express this meditation as of yet. So for the time being, I will leave you with the words of the apostle Paul to his "true son in the faith," Timothy:

"Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David,
as preached in my gospel, for which I am suffering, bound with chains
as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound! Therefore I endure
everything for the sake of the elect, that they may obtain the salvation
that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. The saying is trustworthy, for:

If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
if we endure, we will also reign with him;
if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful--

for he cannot deny himself.

I identify with the close of this passage. His faithfulness is what has kept me, not mine. And THAT is for another blog. Be strong in the Lord today in His might. Seek His face continually...without Him we can do nothing.

My Reason For Existence

I realize that the title of this blog is rather intense. Even "epic," if you will. Yet, there is so much significance to it.

I just got off the phone with a dear, dear friend of mine. Ten years ago, he was just my brother's best friend. Now, he is still my brother's best friend, but more importantly he is a brother in Christ. I definitely have taken on the role of "big sister" in his life. He may not tell you that, but I have willingly stepped into this esteemed position.

For the sake of his protection, let's call him "G." G is a rare breed. Ever since I can remember, that kid has been asking my mom, my brother, and me all about faith and Jesus. There has been a stirring desire in him for years in regards to Truth and the Bible. I can recall several times where I have had the privilege to sit with him over a latte or in my living room back in East Longmeadow and discuss the "real meaning" of life.

G is intelligent, inquisitive, and hard headed. I love that about him. When I listen to him battle with the reality of the Gospel message, I recognize the beginning traits and characteristics of a modern day reformer. I feel like if I knew Martin Luther personally, I would be able to liken G to him.

We have not seen one another in over a year. Yes, life just conveniently prevents such things from happening. However, tonight after exchanging a few generic "Happy Easter" text messages, G decided to pick up the phone and call me. What followed after was quite unexpected...

Just a few weeks ago i spoke at dorm devotionals at my school. For the blog reader who has no idea what a dorm devotional is, let me explain. It simply is a night out of each month where the entire dormitory of girls gather together to worship and listen to God's Word. That night, I exposited out of Galatians 1:6-9. Without going in to every detail of the message, I explained to the girl's how we are no different from the Galatians that the apostle Paul was writing to. Just as Paul was bewildered by the way in which the Galatians were "adding" to Christ's finished work on the cross, so do we add to that work.

During my preparation for the message, God had is way with me. He really began to reveal to me how often I am preoccupied with my performances rather than being captivated by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ ultimately displayed at Calvary. Needless to say, I spoke my message from a place of true understanding.

It was so humbling to watch the Holy Spirit work in the hearts of those girls as the Word of God was communicated through a broken sinner such as myself. Why do I recount this night? Simply because that message i spoke lives on and I watched it play out before my very eyes as I talked with G this Easter night.

There is no greater honor than to encourage another believer in the knowledge of God's grace (hmmmm..maybe "My Reason For Existence"?..well, besides glorifying God..which I suppose encouraging someone in the Lord would ultimately do). G is in a battle right now. He is seeing God do awesome things in his life. He recognizes God's hand and genuinely desires to live a righteous life. However, like majority of us, he finds himself bound by his own ability to do right by God. Wait a minute... did I just type that in a blog? YES. Just like the Galatians, just like myself, G has been attempting to add to Christ's finish work on the cross where Christ died for G's sins (as well as the rest of mankind's, might I also add).

Why did I write about this? In hopes that the one who is reading this blog would be able to identify with G and lift him up in prayer. Pray for his perseverance in the faith. Pray that the eyes of his heart would be enlightened to the knowledge of the hope that he has been called to, as well his inheritance. Pray that the guilt and condemnation that Satan has been attempting to bring on him would be removed. Pray that someday, G himself will be communicating and encouraging someone else in the knowledge of God's grace.

Why else did I write about this? In hopes that the reader will be encouraged in this same knowledge as well. May each of us like Paul declare, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20, ESV)

...I'm overwhelmed by His goodness...


After a beautiful, warm April night I find myself sitting alone in my room. Outside, I can still hear the sound of cars whistling by. New England is attempting to steal every minute of this "summerish" evening, I'm sure. Meanwhile, the crisp night air is seeping through the open window, softly whispering to me, "stay awake." My body is telling me to go to sleep... if you saw my face, you would tell me to get some rest as well. Yet, I cannot help but express the joy I am experiencing in yet another..."moment."

I was thinking about a friend of mine tonight...so I prayed for this special person. I got to pondering on how amazing that is. That somehow, God has allowed me to be a part of intercession for this individual. So I can't get this grin off my face. My boast and joy are in Jesus-- as they always should be. His pursuit of us is indescribable. How marvelous are His ways! That I can simply meditate and communicate to Him and know that He hears me. Much more than that, His will is unfolding in my very midst and He beckons me to come away with Him and be a part of the masterpiece in the making. How often I don't take the time to ponder these truths. It's startling.

Reflecting on my day, I realize how many moments I missed... moments where I didn't recognize His presence.

I have been reading a book about the resolve of Jonathan Edwards and have been immensely challenged by his life. At the age of eighteen and nineteen, as a recent believer, Edwards recorded his personal resolutions in order that he might live his life to the fullest in Christ. Just thinking about the desire and passion he had for God's glory startles me. "Startle" because I know I must come up "higher," if you will. So, in my minuscule attempt to learn and benefit from his life, I have recently begun my own list of "resolves."

I promise that I have been intentional about mentioning the resolve of Jonathan Edwards in this seemingly insignificant blog. In fact, this very day a resolve was birthed within me. "Resolved: to make it my aim and goal to be conscious of HIs presence at all times, regardless of the apparent circumstances taking place in my midst."

I suppose I could add to this resolve, a resolve to be conscious of the cross and what it represents-- not only at Easter, but always. May each of us seek by faith, to remain hidden behind Christ's "sure" work on the cross as we live and move and have our being in the midst of an ever-changing generation. The grace that we stand in--those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, the living Son of God--is secure. May we never forget this crucial truth.

...but now I must go and take care of the mundane bed-time tasks. Washing and exfoliating my face; brushing and flossing my teeth (well, flossing only when I'm not completely overwhelmed with exhaustion)... Yet, may each of us not lose sight of the One who goes before us always and upholds us in the midst of every chore, joy, and sorrow. To Him be all the glory and honor and power...forever. Amen.

A Simple Thought

Today when I was listening to a lesson on prayer, we read Revelation 12:11 which says, "And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved their lives even unto death." We were discussing how faith in Christ that is rooted in the Word, coupled with the blood of Christ and the word of our testimony will give us daily victory over the enemy of our souls.

In the class the instructor, John, shared with us some instances of new believers who upon their salvation picked up and traveled all over the country sharing their testimony with others. Yet, because they only had the "word of their testimony" their "ministries" quickly perished and some of them are unheard of today.

It was after John had told us this that I was reminded of the daily commitment that God is wanting from me. The "word of my testimony" can only take me so far. I must plunge deeper in the living Word of God so that my roots will be secured in the Word's unshakeable foundation. In doing so, I will be unmoved when the winds and storms do blow...because they most certainly will. Not only will I be firmly planted in Truth, but the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart will be the very words of the Father. Men will only hear Truth uttered from my lips as I feast upon the precious Word.

Jesus promised us times of testing, persecution, and natural disasters. Yet, those who set their hope and meditation in the Word of Truth will not perish but inherit everlasting life. Oh, how I pray that my ultimate delight would be in the Word! Let us be like the pslamist who wrote of the blessed man, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers" (Psalm 1:2,3).

Go now...be with Jesus.

Communion Results in Community

I am not entirely sure why I am choosing to blog in this moment because so much has been on my heart and mind over the past few weeks. I think I avoid blogging because I fear spoiling the beauty of God's work with my monotonous commentary. Yet, I must record my thoughts.

Hmm...where to begin. I have been prayerfully contemplating the idea of communion with the Father. In my attempts to find balance between intimate communion with Him and involvement in community, I have discovered that there is much needed work to be done in my heart.

Beginning with community...I have come to a continual awareness of its importance. For Christians, intentional and meaningful relationships are essential in growing in grace, love, and in a knowledge of God. Healthy community encourages honesty, embraces the brokenness and sinfulness of others, and creates space for forgiveness and redemption. Yet so often I find that in the midst of performing tasks, following up on responsibilities, and fulfilling my "duties," I dilute the significance of these relationships. Or rather, these interactions with others are no longer enjoyable but are "demanding," "time-suckers," or "distractions." What the heck is that all about?!

Now, let me compare this mentality with that of my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. During Jesus' three-year ministry, we only see a small portion of the many interactions he had with the people as recorded in the Synoptics and the book of John. Yet, what humbles me and leaves me bewildered is that Jesus had compassion and genuine understanding toward those that he interacted with during his journey. Knowing full well that the crowds would despise him, even those from within his inner circle would deny him, Jesus still continued to pour out love and grace and mercy to these individuals.

I could reference so many accounts of where this is demonstrated by Jesus. In actuality, his whole life epitomizes compassion and forbearance. Yet, I am reminded of Gethsemane. We read in Mark's account starting in 14:33, "And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.'" Only moments prior to his arrest, Jesus is in earnest intercession with the Father. What were the disciples doing? Sleeping! They had no comprehension of the anguish and turmoil that their Master was facing. Yet, Jesus persevered and accomplished the will of his father because he knew the joy and freedom that would result in his obedience.

Concerning communion, I am more and more aware of the Father's constant pursuit of His children. I am desperate for daily communion with the Godhead. In prayer and meditation I find strength and renewal for my soul. Though my soul clings to the dust, the Word of God gives me life! It is in communion that I gain greater understanding of the knowledge of God and I am encouraged and strengthened in my faith. As a result of communion, my soul rejoices and my heart is glad and I desire to pour out to others. When I see Jesus and read of his many characteristics, among them the "suffering servant," I am reminded that true joy and hope are not found in this life but in the life to come. Yes, this "suffering servant" was full of long-suffering, compassion, mercy, and love. He loved and still is loving the worst of sinners, tax collectors, and prostitutes. Jesus poured out his very life and gave all of himself to his disciples despite the fact that they were too weak or ashamed to acknowledge their association with him at the time of his greatest need.

Jesus example reminds me that I ought always to seek, watch, and pray. That in doing so, I will be overwhelmed with everlasting joy that will sustain me through every trial and tribulation. Yet, I must not stop there. I must press on and share that joy with others that they too may experience the joy of knowing Christ in the midst of a perverse and crooked generation. Paul was constantly overwhelmed with joy when he would hear of his churches pressing on in the faith for the sake of the gospel. Paul not only shared Jesus with the people, but he shared himself as well. He did this in order that they too would endure with patience the temporal trials of this life in order that their joy might be full and God might be most supremely glorified.

With that, I leave you with the most eloquent words of the apostle Paul to those in the city of Ephesus and its surrounding area, "In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestine according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of this will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1:11-14).

Vulnerability. Man... being vulnerable is one of the most uncomfortable, utterly exposed positions one can find herself in. I am vulnerable. I am naked and found out. Nothing is hidden, everything is disclosed.

I thought I understood that God sees all things. He knows man's heart better than man himself. Yet, often this is not a reality in my life. The fact that God knows my innermost thoughts and motives does not always resonate in my mind. Until I find myself face to face with reality, His omniscience becomes real to me.

With aches that came from the depth of my being, I once again felt the sorrow that had once made its home within me years ago. I questioned whether or not I had learned from my past mistakes as I met this "friend" once again. By "friend" I refer to "pain." Though initially I did not perceive pain to be my friend, light shined into my heart and soul during the manifestation of this pain. Pain led me to see my depravity. I am utterly and hopelessly selfish.

In light of the suffering my Savior experienced on the cross, my ache is 1/1,000,000 of the pain caused by a tiny paper cut. Yet, I have the audacity and boldness to cry out and question my Creator. Does not suffering result in joy in my God? Does not affliction lead me to the throne of my Maker? How then can I despise this menial burden?

Knowing my frailty and lack of strength, He has been gracious and merciful toward me. He sent me a friend who was battling with her flesh and spirit in the moment of my anguish (or rather, pity). Gently, He confronted me with reality. Indeed, He is ever interceding for me at the right hand of the Father. He is not content that I find my pleasure and delight in what is earthly or temporal. My ultimate joy must reside in Him, my Sustainer and Source. He is not willing that I remain in this state of flux, rather that I rest upon the solid rock and sing His praise. He is worthy of all praise.

Seeing my friend's struggle, I was reminded that we are not alone in this battle. Truly affliction and discomfort bring about greater faith, greater hope, greater joy, and greater praise. Oh, that I would hold my tongue and not look inward but toward Him who formed me. Jesus is truly the Hound of Heaven. He is closing in on me, and allowing my world to cave in, in order that He might be adored above all else. May all of my affections be cast upon His sweet face as He leads me through the trials of this life.